Support

I like supporting charities. Some you support by giving donations, some you support through SMS donations, others literally ask only for a few clicks.

One of the charities I'm support (Peninsula School Feeding Program) deals with feeding underprivileged school kids. The lunches they provide at those schools are sometimes the only food those poor kids get. And it's damn near impossible to concentrate on learning when your stomach is gnawing through you from hunger.

You can give either R10 to sponsor one lunch, or R395 to sponsor a kid's meals for an entire year. "Wow, that much?" It's not that much, dude. R395 is a basic couple's evening out with a bottle of wine and dessert and tip (depending on where you go). You won't die if you give up one evening out a month, and it will make such a difference in a child's life. Of course, if you're on a budget, R20 will go far too.

I also give to the NSRI, as they perform services for people and the environment. They do a lot, and deal with all kinds of stupidity. You can donate via a monthly order, a once off donation or you can do a text donation. It's a worthy cause as well.

Barking Mad helps out abandoned animals. Anybody that knows me, knows I am completely gaga over animals. I'm that person who approaches complete strangers, begging permission to play with their dog/cat/budgie/wookie. On Barking Mad's website, you can click to donate food (costs you nothing but a click!), text donate or do an actual cash donation.

If you also want to get involved, but the charities of my choice don't suit you, have a look at Charity SA - they list SA NPOs that you can reach out to and help.

Thanks Mookie

Today marks the final strip of one my most favourite online comics - Dominic Deegan: Oracle for Hire.

This is one of the few comics that I've read that has given me the full gamut of emotions. I've literally read it with tears streaming down my face due to a very well drawn and well written emotional plot.

It has action, magic, love, passion, deceit, betrayal, sword fights, orcs, demons, visions, and cats with an avid adoration for alliteration.

If you do nothing else this weekend, give this comic a read. It's eleven years worth of epic amazingness. I will sorely miss Dominic, Luna, and their friends and family. It's like saying goodbye to a friend.

No, I don't feel like playing Doctor Doctor

So, I was raised in a medical family - HWOSWMBO is a doctor and SWMBO is a retired nurse. So I have a pretty good idea of how doctors are supposed to interact with patients.

I have to say, most of the doctors I've dealt with in Gauteng are either rude, dismissive, arrogant or lazy. A few years back I had a (LADY MOMENT ALERT) Pap smear. The doctor made the entire procedure rather uncomfortable by being abrupt and unfriendly. A week later, he called with the results, and before I could ask any questions, he hung up. Guess who I never went back to?

Last year, I visited a dermatologist about a minor skin condition. She didn't even examine me, just sat across the desk from me, and prescribed some antibiotics and a cream. Oh, and it was apparently caused by stress. What stress? At my previous job, I was super stressed - just ask Antisocial Husband. No rash at all. Also, got charged R500 for a 15 minute consult - I'm in the wrong friggin business!

A good doctor will make you feel at ease, take the time to answer your questions and explain everything to you.

If you're visiting a doctor, and they're being an arrogant douche, stand your ground and demand the service that you're paying for. Or better yet, just don't go back to them, and don't recommend them to anyone if you can help it.

Some of the stories told to me by friends about how a doctor treated them would make HWOSWMBO go mental. He's super heavy on bedside manner, and has no time for doctors who think they're God. But then again, he's a skeptic, so I suppose he wouldn't like that....

He was asking for it

"It's not rape if he asked for it. Flashing his abs around the bar for drinks - what a slut. Everyone knows he's sleeping with a different girl every other week. Plus, if you're wearing a skin tight t-shirt with jeans that emphasis your crotch, what kind of impression are you giving the people around you? 

Exactly. If you're not looking for sex, don't dress like you're looking for sex. And if you don't want people staring at your body, don't show it off. It's not like they can help it, you're basically walking around with a neon sign pointed at your package, screaming "Look at my cock!"

Did he say no? C'mon, it's pretty obvious that him saying no actually meant "I want to, but persuade me, I don't want to seem easy." I mean, shit, we were already naked and fooling around, of course he wants it. And it's hotter when there's a little fight - he was totally into it.

Nobody would take him seriously anyway. Since when does the village bicycle complain about being ridden? Ha! He's forever posting nearly naked photos to his Facebook and Twitter as well - when he's not whoring himself out. "

Rape is rape is rape. What's pathetic is that rape is the only crime where the victim becomes the accused as well. I wrote the above with the same kind of outlook on a male rape victim as there is on a female rape victim. That's the kind of mud slinging that happens to female rape victims. Their past is investigated, their behaviour is examined. Not the rapist. The rapist couldn't help himself, you see. The victim was dressed so slutty/acting slutty/walking down a dark street/breathing so seductively near him that he just had to force himself on her.

As for the women who participate in slut shaming and victim blaming: You're disgusting and ignorant. If you were on fire, and I had a glass of water...I would drink it.

"Oh but she was drunk" - so what? That means you can just rape her? Murder victims aren't blamed for being murdered because they were drunk at the time!

"Oh but she was dressed so sexy" - so what? She could be stark naked - that doesn't mean that she wants sex, and especially not sex from you. What's next, that burger was so edible you had to shove it down your throat? That crap looked like chocolate so you just had to eat it? Do you really have that little control over yourself?

"Oh but everybody knows she's a slut" - so what? Being female and sexually active does not mean sexually deviant and available to all penises. The rapist has also had a good number of sexual partners, but that's never brought up. Just like shops are open to the public, but they can refuse you service if you're an asshole.

Having a penis doesn't automatically make you a Man. It makes you male, yes, but not a Man. A Man has control over himself, respect for those around him and the ability to use his brain as well as his penis. And real Men don't rape. If you're a rapist, you're just a male thing. And you're good for nothing.

So Angelina's boobs are in the news again

But for all the right reasons...
In case you live under a rock, Angelina Jolie underwent a double mastectomy and reconstruction last month. Why? Because her genetic markers showed that she had a very high chance of getting breast and ovarian cancer.

I'm going to be super honest - I'm not particularly fond of AJ. But I do take my hat off to her for taking her destiny into her own hands and saying "Fuck you" to cancer.

However, not all women are as fortunate as she is to have access to the best medical care available. Not to mention that some doctors are very dismissive of their patients' concerns - you get your 15 minute consult, and then you have to piss off.

But at least these days, people are more aware and educated about breast cancer. A dear family member was taken by breast cancer a few years ago, and if her doctors knew then what we know now...

She was around my age, early thirties, when she first found the lump in her breast. Her doctor waved off her concerns, as breast cancer was an old woman's disease back then. So they left it. When she started displaying other symptoms, then her doctor sat up and took notice.

One of my closest friends, Moogella, has to get her breasts checked - and she's only a year younger than I am. Why? Because her Mom got breast cancer. Thankfully, MooMom was diagnosed early and sorted and is cancer free < 3. Honestly, I'm glad Moogella goes for regular checks. We've been friends for more than half our lives and she's very precious to me.

Would I take the same steps as AJ if my chances of getting breast cancer were the same? Hell yeah. Oh, it's an "extreme" step. But honey, it's less extreme than all the biopsies, chemotherapy, radiation therapy, extreme hair and weight loss and the other negative health side effects. If I had to choose between puking my guts out on a daily basis and fake boobs, fake boobs win every time.

So, Angelina Jolie - as I said, I'm not a fan. I think most of your movies are half-assed and you're a little overrated as an actress. But as a human being, I have to give you kudos - not only for being brave enough to undergo the painful surgery, but also to share the news with the world in an effort to encourage and educate other women.

Ladies - check your breasts. If your breasts display any of the traits below, get thee to a doctor. And make them listen. It's your body, it's your health and it's your right.

Really?

Whoever this Steve Maraboli is - he's obviously never seen me being "comfortable in my perfect imperfection". That pretty much describes me right after I've woken up - drool on my cheek, my hair looks like centipedes river danced their way through it. I normally have at least one eye sealed shut with that weird crusty sleep stuff and I have Death Breath.

That's why I normally giggle at those scenes in movies or series where, the Morning After, the female wakes up with super-smooth awesome hair, a full face of make up and her breath is obviously minty fresh. Totally not real. My suspension of disbelief only goes so far!

Same goes for guys. Antisocial Husband wakes up with wonky hair, pillow creases on his face, and veritable oceans of drool oh his face. And of course, Death Breath. Everyone wakes up with Death Breath, I don't care who you are, where you're from or who you know. Death Breath in the morning is a fact of life. Unless you have Listerine for saliva...in which case, your life must kind of suck, because everything will taste like Listerine..ew.

Why Nathan Fillion is on The List

(I'm not the dude in the shirt. I'm a girl :P )

You know. The List*. Celebrities that you can shag, and your partner can't get jealous. Nathan Fillion occupies spot #1, #2 and #3 on my list. (For those of you that care, Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie are #4 and #5).Yes, The List is Antisocial Husband approved.

Why does Nathan Fillion take up the majority of my list? Is it because he's incredibly good-looking? Yes, but...

Is it because he's charismatic? Well, yes, but...

Is it because he's a very talented actor? Of course, but...

It's all of that, and the fact that he makes time for his fans. He's approachable. He doesn't put himself up on a pedestal so that the stench of us mere mortals can't reach his delicate nostrils.

He makes an effort. Last year, at Comic-Con, he was so super busy that even though he wanted to spend more time with his fans, he literally couldn't. So he handed this card out, which I thought was beyond cool.

In Firefly, he was defiant, stubborn and oddly empathetic. Cap'n Mal is a man with secrets, wounds and tight pants.

In Dr Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog, he was nearly unlikeable as Captain Hammer. Nearly. Not quite. Sorry, but I just can't hate you. (PS Note those guns in that shirt...*rowr*).

In Castle, he's fantastic as Richard Castle, a playboy writer who, on the surface, is all about the babes and booze, but dig a little deeper and you find a fiercely loyal, protective, highly intelligent and loving character. 

He's been in a myriad of productions - voice acting, series, soapies, movies...a brief foray into porn (PG-rated, of course).

I know that living in South Africa, my chances of ever meeting him are slim to none, but that's ok. I follow him on Twitter, which is almost as good as meeting him. Almost. Kind of.

Ok it's not, but shut up, ok!

And last, but not least, he doesn't take himself seriously. He enjoys a good laugh. His tweets are funny, thought provoking and goofy. So, Nathan Fillion, on the teeny weeny slim chance that someday somewhere, you might read this: You're on my List. That includes baking for you, by the way. I make a mean chocolate cake...

*FYI, I wouldn't actually shag them. Definitely hump their legs furiously, but no actual shagging.

My Mom

 

 My Mom - aka SWMBO (She Who Must Be Obeyed). 

Mom is a strong, efficient, intelligent, resourceful, independent, loving, caring, big hearted woman. She is what I would like to become when I grow up.

When I was growing up, she was strict but fair. She'd warn me about the repercussions of my actions, but let me bump my head anyway. Mom knew sometimes you needed to experience the pain in order to learn - but she would try to guide me anyway.

Mom helped get me one of my favourite jobs - working at the CD store in high school. That working experience helped to shape who I am, and cemented my love of music. 

My Mom is a very big-hearted person, who will do what she can to help you. She took care of everybody, and did it with love. What I truly love, is she takes to heart the religious teachings of love and tolerance, and ignores the stupid stuff. She doesn't care if you're straight, gay, bi, pink, black, see through - if you're a good person, it doesn't matter. 

She's a hard worker - she may have been a housewife to the outside world, but she took care of the finances, the children (one special needs and one drama queen - guess which one was me :P ). She volunteered at our schools' tuck shops/fund raisers - and scored me huge brownie points in high school when she donated a quilt to a raffle our committee was having to raise funds for the matric farewell. 

She's a rabid quilter. Not avid - rabid. If I had to venture a guess as to how many quilts she's made in her lifetime, I would have to say hundreds. Maybe even over a thousand. And she just gives them away. Mom could make a mint selling those things, but she makes them because she loves to. Heck, the only thing I asked for as a wedding present, was a quilt. And it's gorgeous. We actually have 2 double bed quilts, one king sized quilt, 1 child sized quilt and two 1 metre square quilts. The last two belong to our dog. We're spoiled. We know :D

My Mom has an awesome sense of humour - and we share the same kind of laugh :D She is obsessed with tennis and cricket. In our house, when cricket was on, you did not touch that TV remote, on pain of painful pain.

I go to her for advice, support, jokes, recipes, book recommendations, to find out if I'm right or wrong about something...

She's my Mom. She's the best Mom. And I love her < 3

Mom, this is for you

And this from Dad to you 

Jou oë sing ‘n ou verhaal

van goud wat teen die reënboog lê

en sal jou lippe teen my lip

‘n onvertelde teerheid sê

Pols jou vingers aan my pols

die boodskap wat die bloed begryp?

Jou mond is met die bitter rooi

van wildebessies ryp.

Wie het die ronding van jou vlees

so soepel om die been gedraai?

En watter heuwels en vallei

die wit mis van jou tabberd toegewaai?

Things I've learnt...

(Pic by ShazTheRaz)

from my wedding, and the weddings of others.

You hear so many horror stories about Bridezillas, that when Antisocial Husband proposed, I was determined not to 'Zilla out.

I think I succeeded somewhat. I didn't get everything right, but the food was good, the music was good and no vendors were harmed, abused or screamed at for the most ridiculous reasons ever.


From other weddings - it's definitely worth the effort of coming up with a seating plan. Otherwise it's a mad rush to get to the table that is not right next to the toilet/speakers/kid's table.

Rather have a smaller "head table" with yourself, your spouse, and parents, and allow your attendants to sit with their partners at another table. Especially if the significant other of the attendant doesn't really know anyone else and is sitting at a table full of complete strangers - awkward!

If you can supply food at your wedding, then supply drinks as well. It's kind of tacky expecting your guests to bring their own drinks - especially if you have a long ceremony. Cooler boxes only last that long ...

But heck, at least that person supplied food. Another wedding I attended had a bring your own EVERYTHING reception. I'm not joking. Bring your own food, bring your own drinks, and drive for an hour to get to the reception venue. No thanks. That's beyond tacky, that's just rude. And if you have a professional photographer, don't whinge when your guests don't take/post eleventy million photos of their own of your wedding. They are guests, not free photographers, and they are not obliged to take photos/post photos of your event.

This is more of a guest responsibility - if the wedding is kid friendly, control your child please. I've attended a few weddings where children were welcome. The parents thought this meant they could eat, drink and be merry, while not watching their children at all. The poor waiters were playing their version of dodgeball that day.

At least those children were invited. Parents, I know you love your children dearly - you should!  But if you receive a wedding invite saying "Please note, children are not invited", there is no invisible post script saying "except for yours, of course." Most invites go out at least 6 months before the event - that gives you more than enough time to arrange a babysitter. It's beyond rude to pitch up with an uninvited guest - child or adult.

Some brides publicly pouted on Facebook about gifts/the monetary value of their gifts - thankfully these were acquaintances of friends, not weddings I actually attended. If someone takes the time to attend your wedding and bring you a gift, the correct etiquette is to say "Thank you for thinking of us! How thoughtful" and leave it at that. Bitching that you didn't get super expensive gifts is childish and ungracious.

I suppose it doesn't help that bridal advertising and articles are constantly hammering on the fact that "this is YOUR day", it's all about the BRIDE. Sorry, but it's not. It's not like this is your 21st where you can demand all the attention.

This is the day where you are pledging your heart, soul, life and love to your soulmate, in front of your loved ones. It doesn't matter if the centrepieces aren't identical. It doesn't matter if the chair covers aren't the exact shade of light pastel frosted mint-green that you requested. What matters is the smiles and tears from the hearts exchanging rings and vows.

And the music.

I have a confession to make...

I read the Twilight books. And yes, I watched the movies too. Why? To see what the damn fuss was about.

And honestly? It was the mental equivalent of eating those no-name chips (crisps) who's packet had been opened 6 months ago. It killed some time, was thoroughly unsatisfactory and left a funny taste in my mouth.

Although the topless "werewolves" were pretty attractive. Rating for all 4 movies as a whole? Out of 10? 4.4.

Mind you, those weren't the worst movies I've ever watched. Starship Troopers 2 and 3 were pretty rank. The only saving grace for Starship Troopers 3 was the fact that it was shot in my country and starred some local actors that I vaguely kind of recognised. Sort of. I think.

While the Twilight and SST movies were definitely in my personal Top Ten Worst Movies list, at least they weren't directed by Uwe Boll. Case in point? BloodRayne - 2.8 on IMDB - and truly, horrifyingly bad. Don't watch it. Rather spend those 90 minutes listening to the Hamster Dance song on repeat. It'll be more constructive and less scarring.

OMG...what if Uwe Boll had directed the Twilight movies...

I want a wookiee!

I mean, I have a little Chewie plushie toy. But I've always wanted a real life Wookiee - and her name would be Dewnic (Dew - fierce/stout; Nic - jester/riddle). Yeah, they're averaging 6'11" in height, and have retractable claws (like cats!) and have a hair-trigger temper...

But they're super intelligent and once you're friends, you're friends for life. Well, your life, since the Wookiee would outlive you...but they would make great godparents of your children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, so you know for a fact your descendants are in good hands.

Unless you end up with a kid who goes all Sith and dark side and shit. But I would totally discuss that kind of situation with Dewnic and give permission for the her to rip that kid apart. Unless I am already a Sith, and the Wookiee is a rare renegade in which case her name would probably be Kallakkata (Kalla - angry/wild; kkata - child/scoundrel).

But I digress...

If I did have a Wookiee friend, how would Hopper react to her?And would I be able to speak Shyriiwook? Like this?

Even scum has standards...

(Story here)
Do I approve? Hell yeah. Do I understand why? Hell yeah. What I can't get over is the fact that world wide, pedophiles and child murderers face some kind of hell in prison. Prison. You know. where robbers and  murderers and rapists hang out?

Even murderers have some kind of honor code. That's hilarious. I love that pedophiles have to be paranoid in prison. They get a small idea of the hell they put their victims through.

I actually reckon, why stop there? I mean, surely it's far better to do cosmetic and scientific testing on humans rather than animals, as the results are more accurate, no? So why not just hand over the pedophiles? It's the least they can do. I don't care if it "violates their human rights". When you rape/abuse/molest/murder a child, you're no longer a human, so you don't have rights.

I mean, the thought of someone doing something to harm my dog both upsets me and makes me viciously angry. I can't even imagine how the parent of an abused/murdered child feels. I might shout at Hopper sometimes, but I wouldn't beat him or abuse him, so I can't understand how a parent could do that. That's just another kind of evil. 

I mean, geez, you have to go through written and practical tests to be able to drive a car...why not for raising an entire human?

The Syndrome

Symptoms include eye-rolling, headdesking and face palming at sheer stupidity.

I guess I just don't understand certain things. What is the point of eating healthily, taking supplements and regular exercise, if you tan like a piece of biltong? Yeah, you have a "healthy colour", but your skin is going to  be gross and leathery and wrinkly in a few years, not to mention the risk of melanoma.

What is the point of complaining about people not speaking English when you can barely speak it yourself? (I'm looking at you, ppl hoo type like dis. And confuse they're, there and their. IT'S NOT THAT HARD). Especially when your country has no official language.

What is the point of releasing a cool magazine, I fork out R30+ for it, and I find a number of errors that a high school student would be ashamed of? Maybe I should offer them my services as a proofreader...R10 an article. Ha!

What's the point of having a killer set of legs and you hide them under baggy pants all day? Seriously girl, I would kill for those stems. Get some skinny jeans or a mini skirt or something.

If you're a Mom with a number of children who say incredibly amusing things, and you're good at writing, why don't you release a book? (If you're reading this and you think it's you, it's probably you. DO IT!)

If someone's cut you out of their life and ignores/rebuffs all attempts you make at contact, take the damn hint and leave them alone.

And finally, there is no quick fix for anything. You want to lose weight? Eat right and exercise. You want to make loads of money? Work your ass off. You want a great marriage? Worry less about the perfection of your damn wedding day, and work on your relationship with your fiance.

The world owes you nothing. But you owe the world something - you owe it to the world to be all you are, and make it a better place.(Unlike the Kardashians. The only way they could make it better is to take a long walk off a short pier, wearing lead shoes).

You can't handle the truth!

It's kind of funny, really. I've found that whenever you ask someone for their opinion on something not related to yourself, they almost immediately go to the negative.

You know - "Hey, Bob, how're things?"
Bob: "Yeah man, well, you know, the pool's cracked so it's leaking into the garden, and little Suzy figured out how to take her nappy off and finger paint with her own poop..."

(Apparently the poop finger painting does happen with toddlers. Ew.)

I'm definitely guilty of this as well - no, not the poop finger painting. What the heck man?

I mean, the "jumping to negatives" thing. It's something I'm noticing pretty frequently with some of my interactions with other people - both from myself and the other person. Sometimes, though, it's good to be positive.

I had to go to SARS on Tuesday to update my details with them. Surprisingly, they were super efficient and fast. The consultant I was dealing with laughed and joked with me, which made the experience a lot less clinical.

You don't have to be some kind of caffeinated Care Bear on ecstasy - that's just...weird. And scary. But it doesn't hurt to give a smile or crack a small joke. Antisocial Husband normally asks that I order when we're at restaurants as I'm more of a "people" person. I joke with the waitperson and make sure to say "Please" and "Thank you". As a result, we very rarely get bad service. Just from being friendly and treating them like a person.

Try it one day. Crack a joke, give em a smile. Share a funny story with someone. Even if you've had a a crap day, I'm almost willing to bet that those 5 minutes of positivity will brighten your day.