Frankly, even with all the sex in publishing and TV we have, people grow up knowing next to nothing about it. Their parents won't talk to them, the schools aren't allowed to, so they have to make do with playground rumour and "babysitter pays the pizza guy with a blowjob" porn.
A lot of parents say that their refusal to educate their children about sex is "so that they won't fall pregnant". That kind of thinking is illogical. That's like not teaching someone self defense so that they'll never get attacked.
Obviously, the puritanical approach is working since you have little to none teenage pregnancy, sexual assault and rape. Wait? What's that? It isn't working? Oh, but it's not your fault. It's the fault of TV and the Internet. Who is the parent here again? Isn't it you?
Isn't it your responsibility to give them the break down when they first ask as 6 year olds? You don't have to sit them down with a porno, just the basics. It'll take 10 minutes, tops. But then, when they hit puberty, you need to sit them down again and again. And tell them the following:
"Sex is great. It really is, especially when it is with someone that you have strong emotional feelings for. But it is also a choice for both partners whether they want to do it or not, and those choices must be respected. Trying to force someone is rape or sexual assault - they're not playing hard to get, they're not kidding around. No means no, got it? No begging, no pleading, no emotional blackmail, no threats, no trying to go through with it anyway.
And if they can't say no because they're drunk or drugged, then the only time you touch them is to turn them onto their side, bring them a bucket and cover them with a blanket. How would you like it if someone did something to you that you didn't want?
You also don't have to do the full penetration to have fun. In fact, you can have lots of fun without actual intercourse. You can bring pleasure to each other with your fingers and tongue and lips. If you do want to have sex, by all means, use protection. There's condoms, diaphragms, the birth control pill, the injection, the patch, the morning after pill. It's not just pregnancy you need to deal with, it's various STDs. (If you can find a book with pictures of STD infected genitals, go for it).
Sex between two people who trust each other and respect each others needs is amazing. And chances are, you will have sex with more than one person in your lifetime. As long as it's in a safe environment with two consenting adults. I hope you know you can always talk to us and ask us questions. We love you."
You may be uncomfortable talking about it. Tough shit. If you can't talk about it, how the hell were you able to nail your partner enough times to fall pregnant? Get over your stupid little foibles, sit the result of your sexual activities down, and give them The Talk. They deserve it.
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