Uniboob

So, I'm chestily advantaged. Which means that when I work out, I need to wear at least 2 sports bras, lest I wind up with my own self-grown jump rope by the age of 40.

Last week I bought a super-uber-holy-shit-this-is-IT running sports bra. It promised minimal bounce.

There is some bounce. But that's not the main issue. Bras that talk about minimal bounce deliver on that promise by basically strapping your girls down. This results in a uniboob. It's not attractive, but I can still live with it.

That is, until I climb into my car and strap on my seat belt. You see, boys and girls, when you wear a "normal" bra, it follows the natural lines of separation between your badoinkies, which means there is a little valley that the seat belt can naturally rest in. No problems.

The uniboob resulting from wearing a compression bra, however, results in that lovely valley being filled in by squished boob-flesh, creating a nice hill on which the seat belt slides up and attempts to slit your throat. Your drive ends up being like this:

Get in car.
Put on seatbelt.
Choke and desperately claw the murderous belt away from your throat.
Clip the belt in.
Start the car.
Choke and desperately claw the murderous belt away from your throat while your annoyance level rises.
Drive.
Choke and angrily claw the murderous belt away from your throat.
Drive some more.
Choke and angrily claw the murderous belt away from your throat while spewing out some rather creative swear words and cursing the seat belt's inventor, their children, their neighbours and their dog.
Drive some more.
Choke, and violently undo the belt and say "fuck it!" and drive the rest of the way home beltless.

If someone could invent a solution to that problem, I would...probably buy the product, but I think that's about as far as I would go really.