I don't WANT to be a tit-vest!

So I was walking home from gym yesterday, and some random dude pulls up beside me, and offers me a lift. I said "No thanks", but he insisted, going so far as to lean over and open the passenger side door.

That was a little creepy. Ok, no, that was a LOT creepy. Thankfully, I'm as stubborn as my Dad, so I continually said "No thanks!" in a loud, cheerful voice, and didn't move from my spot on the pavement that was nice and far away from him.

Just because he was smiling, didn't mean his refusal to accept my polite "No" wasn't aggressive. Not to mention that after he drove away, he had to cross two lanes to get into his turning lane - in the opposite direction of where I lived.

Maybe his intentions were pure, maybe he wanted to wear my skin like a coat (oh HAI Buffalo Bill!), maybe he was looking for good organs to sell on the blackmarket. The point being, if someone politely declines your offer, it's kind of uncool to push the issue.

"What if it was a girl offering you a lift?", I hear you say. I would've said no thanks as well. Just because we have similar genitals doesn't mean she doesn't want to wear my skin like a coat either. Women can be serial killers. They can too! We may be cute and cuddle with bouncing boobs, but we can be just as vicious and sadistic as a man. Maybe even more so.

Fact of the matter is, listen to your gut. Sure, you may be tired and hot and you're carrying a bag of groceries, and the guy is nice enough to offer you a lift. But getting home sweaty is better than not getting home at all, and becoming a statistic.

Not rules, just suggestions

So I've done some races this year, and while I'm not going to break any speed records, I've picked up a few ideas that I would like to share.

For the organisers:
Port-a-Potties on the route: Yeah. Seriously. While the male runners can quickly hop behind a tree and muse on the universe for 30 seconds or so, the female ones...can't. For a 5k, I can let it slide, but if you're doing 10, 21 etc, then really consider getting a couple of PaPs at the watering stations. Not just for the women either, since I'm pretty sure both sexes can be affected by Runner's Gut.

Water stations: There's only been one race that I was on that failed miserably on the water stations - and that was the 2012 Soweto Marathon. By the time we got to the second (and last) water station, they'd run out of water. In the middle of summer. Fun times!

For the runners:
Watch your form: Yes, you're a special unique snowflake and you want to burn a million calories. But running like this:

will result in an elbow to the eye, and that's not fun. Reign it in a little until the crowds disperse, hey?

Keep left: If you're going to slow down to a walk (like I often have to), move to the left! It's annoying to the fit people who actually can run uphill to have to dodge slow people, or better yet, narrowly avoid a collision with someone who just comes to a complete stop. I've run less than 10 races and even I managed to figure this out.

Throw trash in the bin, dammit: Lots of races go through residential neighbourhoods. I'm sure they'd be willing to overlook the road closures if they weren't greeted with a pile of plastic after a race. Seriously, it's a tiny little plastic bag, when you're done with your water, just hold it. When you get to a bin, chuck it. Not to mention I've nearly seen my arse slipping on those little fuckers. Throw it away. Lazy bastards!

Thank the refs and marshalls: They have a crap job. They're the ones directing traffic and getting shouted at, and they have to get up as early as you do, if not earlier, to get to the venue and their stations. Even a strangled, panted "thank.....you....." works.

Wear underwear: Both sexes! Please. Pretty please. Ladies, seeing your camel toe that early in the morning is uncool. Guys...I'm just going to leave this here, so you can feel my pain: