My Mom

 

 My Mom - aka SWMBO (She Who Must Be Obeyed). 

Mom is a strong, efficient, intelligent, resourceful, independent, loving, caring, big hearted woman. She is what I would like to become when I grow up.

When I was growing up, she was strict but fair. She'd warn me about the repercussions of my actions, but let me bump my head anyway. Mom knew sometimes you needed to experience the pain in order to learn - but she would try to guide me anyway.

Mom helped get me one of my favourite jobs - working at the CD store in high school. That working experience helped to shape who I am, and cemented my love of music. 

My Mom is a very big-hearted person, who will do what she can to help you. She took care of everybody, and did it with love. What I truly love, is she takes to heart the religious teachings of love and tolerance, and ignores the stupid stuff. She doesn't care if you're straight, gay, bi, pink, black, see through - if you're a good person, it doesn't matter. 

She's a hard worker - she may have been a housewife to the outside world, but she took care of the finances, the children (one special needs and one drama queen - guess which one was me :P ). She volunteered at our schools' tuck shops/fund raisers - and scored me huge brownie points in high school when she donated a quilt to a raffle our committee was having to raise funds for the matric farewell. 

She's a rabid quilter. Not avid - rabid. If I had to venture a guess as to how many quilts she's made in her lifetime, I would have to say hundreds. Maybe even over a thousand. And she just gives them away. Mom could make a mint selling those things, but she makes them because she loves to. Heck, the only thing I asked for as a wedding present, was a quilt. And it's gorgeous. We actually have 2 double bed quilts, one king sized quilt, 1 child sized quilt and two 1 metre square quilts. The last two belong to our dog. We're spoiled. We know :D

My Mom has an awesome sense of humour - and we share the same kind of laugh :D She is obsessed with tennis and cricket. In our house, when cricket was on, you did not touch that TV remote, on pain of painful pain.

I go to her for advice, support, jokes, recipes, book recommendations, to find out if I'm right or wrong about something...

She's my Mom. She's the best Mom. And I love her < 3

Mom, this is for you

And this from Dad to you 

Jou oë sing ‘n ou verhaal

van goud wat teen die reënboog lê

en sal jou lippe teen my lip

‘n onvertelde teerheid sê

Pols jou vingers aan my pols

die boodskap wat die bloed begryp?

Jou mond is met die bitter rooi

van wildebessies ryp.

Wie het die ronding van jou vlees

so soepel om die been gedraai?

En watter heuwels en vallei

die wit mis van jou tabberd toegewaai?

Things I've learnt...

(Pic by ShazTheRaz)

from my wedding, and the weddings of others.

You hear so many horror stories about Bridezillas, that when Antisocial Husband proposed, I was determined not to 'Zilla out.

I think I succeeded somewhat. I didn't get everything right, but the food was good, the music was good and no vendors were harmed, abused or screamed at for the most ridiculous reasons ever.


From other weddings - it's definitely worth the effort of coming up with a seating plan. Otherwise it's a mad rush to get to the table that is not right next to the toilet/speakers/kid's table.

Rather have a smaller "head table" with yourself, your spouse, and parents, and allow your attendants to sit with their partners at another table. Especially if the significant other of the attendant doesn't really know anyone else and is sitting at a table full of complete strangers - awkward!

If you can supply food at your wedding, then supply drinks as well. It's kind of tacky expecting your guests to bring their own drinks - especially if you have a long ceremony. Cooler boxes only last that long ...

But heck, at least that person supplied food. Another wedding I attended had a bring your own EVERYTHING reception. I'm not joking. Bring your own food, bring your own drinks, and drive for an hour to get to the reception venue. No thanks. That's beyond tacky, that's just rude. And if you have a professional photographer, don't whinge when your guests don't take/post eleventy million photos of their own of your wedding. They are guests, not free photographers, and they are not obliged to take photos/post photos of your event.

This is more of a guest responsibility - if the wedding is kid friendly, control your child please. I've attended a few weddings where children were welcome. The parents thought this meant they could eat, drink and be merry, while not watching their children at all. The poor waiters were playing their version of dodgeball that day.

At least those children were invited. Parents, I know you love your children dearly - you should!  But if you receive a wedding invite saying "Please note, children are not invited", there is no invisible post script saying "except for yours, of course." Most invites go out at least 6 months before the event - that gives you more than enough time to arrange a babysitter. It's beyond rude to pitch up with an uninvited guest - child or adult.

Some brides publicly pouted on Facebook about gifts/the monetary value of their gifts - thankfully these were acquaintances of friends, not weddings I actually attended. If someone takes the time to attend your wedding and bring you a gift, the correct etiquette is to say "Thank you for thinking of us! How thoughtful" and leave it at that. Bitching that you didn't get super expensive gifts is childish and ungracious.

I suppose it doesn't help that bridal advertising and articles are constantly hammering on the fact that "this is YOUR day", it's all about the BRIDE. Sorry, but it's not. It's not like this is your 21st where you can demand all the attention.

This is the day where you are pledging your heart, soul, life and love to your soulmate, in front of your loved ones. It doesn't matter if the centrepieces aren't identical. It doesn't matter if the chair covers aren't the exact shade of light pastel frosted mint-green that you requested. What matters is the smiles and tears from the hearts exchanging rings and vows.

And the music.

I have a confession to make...

I read the Twilight books. And yes, I watched the movies too. Why? To see what the damn fuss was about.

And honestly? It was the mental equivalent of eating those no-name chips (crisps) who's packet had been opened 6 months ago. It killed some time, was thoroughly unsatisfactory and left a funny taste in my mouth.

Although the topless "werewolves" were pretty attractive. Rating for all 4 movies as a whole? Out of 10? 4.4.

Mind you, those weren't the worst movies I've ever watched. Starship Troopers 2 and 3 were pretty rank. The only saving grace for Starship Troopers 3 was the fact that it was shot in my country and starred some local actors that I vaguely kind of recognised. Sort of. I think.

While the Twilight and SST movies were definitely in my personal Top Ten Worst Movies list, at least they weren't directed by Uwe Boll. Case in point? BloodRayne - 2.8 on IMDB - and truly, horrifyingly bad. Don't watch it. Rather spend those 90 minutes listening to the Hamster Dance song on repeat. It'll be more constructive and less scarring.

OMG...what if Uwe Boll had directed the Twilight movies...

I want a wookiee!

I mean, I have a little Chewie plushie toy. But I've always wanted a real life Wookiee - and her name would be Dewnic (Dew - fierce/stout; Nic - jester/riddle). Yeah, they're averaging 6'11" in height, and have retractable claws (like cats!) and have a hair-trigger temper...

But they're super intelligent and once you're friends, you're friends for life. Well, your life, since the Wookiee would outlive you...but they would make great godparents of your children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, so you know for a fact your descendants are in good hands.

Unless you end up with a kid who goes all Sith and dark side and shit. But I would totally discuss that kind of situation with Dewnic and give permission for the her to rip that kid apart. Unless I am already a Sith, and the Wookiee is a rare renegade in which case her name would probably be Kallakkata (Kalla - angry/wild; kkata - child/scoundrel).

But I digress...

If I did have a Wookiee friend, how would Hopper react to her?And would I be able to speak Shyriiwook? Like this?

Even scum has standards...

(Story here)
Do I approve? Hell yeah. Do I understand why? Hell yeah. What I can't get over is the fact that world wide, pedophiles and child murderers face some kind of hell in prison. Prison. You know. where robbers and  murderers and rapists hang out?

Even murderers have some kind of honor code. That's hilarious. I love that pedophiles have to be paranoid in prison. They get a small idea of the hell they put their victims through.

I actually reckon, why stop there? I mean, surely it's far better to do cosmetic and scientific testing on humans rather than animals, as the results are more accurate, no? So why not just hand over the pedophiles? It's the least they can do. I don't care if it "violates their human rights". When you rape/abuse/molest/murder a child, you're no longer a human, so you don't have rights.

I mean, the thought of someone doing something to harm my dog both upsets me and makes me viciously angry. I can't even imagine how the parent of an abused/murdered child feels. I might shout at Hopper sometimes, but I wouldn't beat him or abuse him, so I can't understand how a parent could do that. That's just another kind of evil. 

I mean, geez, you have to go through written and practical tests to be able to drive a car...why not for raising an entire human?

The Syndrome

Symptoms include eye-rolling, headdesking and face palming at sheer stupidity.

I guess I just don't understand certain things. What is the point of eating healthily, taking supplements and regular exercise, if you tan like a piece of biltong? Yeah, you have a "healthy colour", but your skin is going to  be gross and leathery and wrinkly in a few years, not to mention the risk of melanoma.

What is the point of complaining about people not speaking English when you can barely speak it yourself? (I'm looking at you, ppl hoo type like dis. And confuse they're, there and their. IT'S NOT THAT HARD). Especially when your country has no official language.

What is the point of releasing a cool magazine, I fork out R30+ for it, and I find a number of errors that a high school student would be ashamed of? Maybe I should offer them my services as a proofreader...R10 an article. Ha!

What's the point of having a killer set of legs and you hide them under baggy pants all day? Seriously girl, I would kill for those stems. Get some skinny jeans or a mini skirt or something.

If you're a Mom with a number of children who say incredibly amusing things, and you're good at writing, why don't you release a book? (If you're reading this and you think it's you, it's probably you. DO IT!)

If someone's cut you out of their life and ignores/rebuffs all attempts you make at contact, take the damn hint and leave them alone.

And finally, there is no quick fix for anything. You want to lose weight? Eat right and exercise. You want to make loads of money? Work your ass off. You want a great marriage? Worry less about the perfection of your damn wedding day, and work on your relationship with your fiance.

The world owes you nothing. But you owe the world something - you owe it to the world to be all you are, and make it a better place.(Unlike the Kardashians. The only way they could make it better is to take a long walk off a short pier, wearing lead shoes).

You can't handle the truth!

It's kind of funny, really. I've found that whenever you ask someone for their opinion on something not related to yourself, they almost immediately go to the negative.

You know - "Hey, Bob, how're things?"
Bob: "Yeah man, well, you know, the pool's cracked so it's leaking into the garden, and little Suzy figured out how to take her nappy off and finger paint with her own poop..."

(Apparently the poop finger painting does happen with toddlers. Ew.)

I'm definitely guilty of this as well - no, not the poop finger painting. What the heck man?

I mean, the "jumping to negatives" thing. It's something I'm noticing pretty frequently with some of my interactions with other people - both from myself and the other person. Sometimes, though, it's good to be positive.

I had to go to SARS on Tuesday to update my details with them. Surprisingly, they were super efficient and fast. The consultant I was dealing with laughed and joked with me, which made the experience a lot less clinical.

You don't have to be some kind of caffeinated Care Bear on ecstasy - that's just...weird. And scary. But it doesn't hurt to give a smile or crack a small joke. Antisocial Husband normally asks that I order when we're at restaurants as I'm more of a "people" person. I joke with the waitperson and make sure to say "Please" and "Thank you". As a result, we very rarely get bad service. Just from being friendly and treating them like a person.

Try it one day. Crack a joke, give em a smile. Share a funny story with someone. Even if you've had a a crap day, I'm almost willing to bet that those 5 minutes of positivity will brighten your day.